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I'm No Movie Critic, But Innocence of Muslims is SOOO Bad!

In recent days, a certain film has received a great deal of buzz, but nobody has taken the time to review it. I have decided to oblige.

I can take a bad movie. I'm almost always glad to suspend belief for the sake of immersing myself in the fiction of a good show, so I find myself enjoying some flicks that other, more-sophisticated movie-goers might poo-poo.

But Innocence of Muslims by nobody-knows-who, going by the 14 minutes that have been released in trailer form, might well be the worst movie ever made on this or any other planet.

But I can think of a couple of reasons you might want to see it. Firstly, if you're a budding filmmaker, you can observe and later avoid the many, many techniques this director uses to ensure eternal embarrassment for every single person involved in its production.

Secondly, watch the trailer as a test of your willpower. Christopher Hitchens (PBUH) subjected himself to waterboarding ; I subjected myself to this atrocious, atrocious film. I'm proud to say that I lasted longer than Hitch did, though in retrospect, I'd rather have been waterboarded.

In the first few seconds, Innocence of Muslims demonstrates that one can, in fact, use a laptop microphone to film an entire motion picture. There's so much reverb in the dialog that I quickly became convinced that the whole thing was shot in the director's bathroom.

Throughout the trailer, the persistent use of extreme close-ups and cutting-edge green-screen technology shows that a director really doesn't need, you know, sets and stuff. I'd be very surprised if the film had a larger total budget than the lunch costs of The Blair Witch Project .

The opening scene has some kind of military fellow, as evidenced by a badge that looks like something one can pick up at german-helmets.com , crazy-glued to his beret. Score one for the costume-designer. He's speaking to what initially seems to be a comedy-doctor who instantly reminded me of 30 Rock's Leo Spaceman .

Then, still in a more-or-less modern-day setting, we see an "angry mob," consisting of exactly seven people in a slow jog, making absolutely no sound. This causes our caricature doctor and extremely American daughter to close his clinic for the day. The "riot" scenes show various individuals, again each in close-up, knocking different things off the same bookcase in what I suspect are supposed

Read the full story at Huffington Post.

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Edward Falzon is a critically acclaimed author with almost one Pulitzer Prize. A semi-committed writer, he is adored by more than half of his family.

Edward completed his 20-city book-tour of North America in September 2012. Make contact to complain if he didn't visit you.

He's pro-gay, pro-abortion, anti-death-penalty, anti-religion and pro-just-be-nice-to-each-other-for-christ's-sake. Special thanks to the Secular Student Alliance for all their support!

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